Building up a relationship from scratch, or scratching an old itch – to connect with somebody maybe not just anybody

I have been around for a while almost half a century, in reality I am not that advanced in number or brain matter but definitely  getting there, soon the almost will turn into close to in a soft tone a century and then will fade into I am well into.

I love this dialogue from a movie aptly titled ‘This must be the place’

It goes like this “You know what the problem is Rachel? Without realizing it, we go from an age where we say “my life will be that” to an age where we say “that’s life” …”

http://sundaymorningnothings.wordpress.com/2012/03/28/wednesday-nothings-this-must-be-the-place-film-premiere-not-a-film-review/

This simple sentence really hit home. The number of times ‘that’s life’ has increased in use, has multiplied exponentially with the number of days I have chosen to actually administer my rapidly developing age,

One of the things that dogs me day after day especially when you are a bit of an introvert like I am, is how difficult it becomes as you grow older to build new relationships ‘ love, friendships and cross out old ones.

People say at this time that you need to weld back into place old relationships and I often ask them why, why do you need to maintain a relationship which is  caustic and will break you eventually.

If you are faced with a difficult unproductive relationship  my simple suggestion to all is grow and reenergize with a brand new one- but this is where the problem arises, new ones cannot be forged easily. They remain like rare metals -buried just out of reach aggregated like the permutations and combinations of ores and such that do not add up to a friendship or much else but trust me they are all worth the digging.

I have watched people (at the forefront one of those people I so passingly refer to would be me) barricade themselves within the secure confines of online dating. meeting websites and gym memberships in the hope that possible linkages will stoke some kind of kindred soul kindling, but even that becomes self-effacing when all attempts leave you as just another pseudonym, a face with some name no-one can remember or another grunting, sweating mass.

It does fester and harbor doubts on your existence, are you really here? Or is this shadow self so thin as to blend in naturally with thee surrounding façade.

I have seen people online list their qualities as friendly, open to new things, kind hearted, willing to try anything –people define themselves in really broad strokes but limit their experiences to very narrow straight line.  The ‘open to anything’ that they will finally accept is pretty much particular.

The sad part is there is no etiquette that would facilitate a response even a blunt  acknowledgement to the presence of the sender of a difficult mail, a few words, or the harbinger of a smile.

I have seen recent advertisements on TV depicting the loneliness new children/teenagers, young adults feel when introduced to new schools and the circle of beings therein, I would compare mid-life adults to be positioned similarly in the integration into a social network.

People are influenced by what they see and hear about strangers these days. I for one do not blame them, but what I do believe is that we will soon dissolve the opportunity to really connect with someone else. We will within the very near future list ourselves as a murder of people cawing, texting, tweeting, updating and announcing ourselves to all and sundry but never really connecting. All this will transpose while a bunch of people who don’t really care about the ramifications of their actions actively set about with undefined chaos to destroy faith, hope, love and friendship by in turn being alone, angry and despondent and taking it out on innocent people. All this while smirking at the demise of civilization, their past has taken generations to build up. How can you and I counter that? I believe by being welcoming. It is tough, but if you do not trust someone to be kind and truthful, you are trusting them to be not so, which in my opinion is worse.

I can attribute my own reservations to being an introvert, to being a little distrustful based on my past experiences they sit heavy mould-like over my emotions,  I still try to smile, I still attempt to say hello. I still try and respond to someone new. I believe that reaching out and accepting someone else’s communique is not always a bad thing, your attempts may not resuscitate someone’s life or even leave another breathing heavily or breaking into excited palpitations, it may not foster new friendship or love or a hope for life, it may not produce anything even close to these positive echoes, but I think it will definitely make someone smile and possibly have someone look at themselves in the mirror and say ‘I am not alone’.

I am in no idealistic way a nice person, far from it I do not even want to be thought of as a good one.

I believe I am someone who works hard, tries to be as adherent to as many of my promises as possible and a being whole will try and afford humanity and kindness as much as would fulfil my own innate sense of responsibility (which may differ greatly from others and their assumption and  concept of responsibility/duty).
I still do try to make an effort to respond, and I am saddened that people are so bent out of shape when accepting and accommodating the grand overture of friendship or even the possibility of a response.

The futility of the times and the seclusion that one envisions in the midst of all the ceaseless, overwhelming white noise being punched in and smiled at on a myriad selection of electronic dispensations of thought icons, abbreviations and arbitrary symbols may not be reason enough for the oft ventured words ‘that’s life’ but it could be a starting point.
The response might lie in wait till that point mid-life when you find yourself more alone that you expected or chose to be. For those of you who might find yourselves in this place please review the attached links they may help. Please keep in mind that being alone, or reaching out to someone, is not gender specific. Here's to hoping we all find someone to listen to or someone who in turn will listen hopefully to our voice and screen our thoughts, I think everyone knows I definitely need that screening :) .

Babble stop.   
http://www.theatlanticwire.com/entertainment/2012/07/real-trouble-making-friends-middle-age/54637/

http://personaltao.com/taoism-library/midlife-crisis/signs-of-a-midlife-transformation/

http://midliferenewal.org/article-when-friends-fade.html

Detachment

It took me a long time to decide how best I could present a  synopsis on what I loved most about the movie. 

There are many undercurrents that permeate this movie, it is easy to get caught up in the riptides of emotion, the mental awakening, the placentaic synthesis of life and loose track of the important realism that the movie delivers.

The movie is a behind the scenes peek at teachers.

These days I hear people talk constantly about how good teachers have it, the number of paid holidays these sentinels of thought indulge in- fine wine for us regular off the shelf vacationing hard working blue collared  folk, I hear the envy seep through when their easy nine to five hours are discussed, when we berate their lack of professional commitment towards the personal development of our 'soft enough to mold, hard enough to break others in' progeny -  this litany has increased in vocal depth and dimension over the years, and as I have grown older I watch the world narrow its focus on the the validity of teaching, the dispensation of education, the competitive edge 'good education' provides and the limits that 'bad education' imposes.

I have been both- a drop from that census for whom it was counted as blessing to pay the equivalent of their children's educational weight to a consortium that literally ruled over its flock of half-panted, short sleeved minions, where education was but a staccato 0ft-parroted-certified means to an end. 

I am now threaded in, part of the diaspora that watches as hard earned tax dollars fund the educational system. The same principle applies, to provide a sound base for life, to sustain education without bias, available for those who want and require it and at a level considered sufficient enough to allow said learners to drift into the wider world with knowledge  enough to keep them afloat.

In the wake of'my own personal educational awakening' where education did not necessarily a career make, and betwixt the fair weather lounge and muse moments that i devolve in, I watched this amazing movie unfold with its  back-story of a substitute teacher and the much undermined plight of both students and teachers in schools where the the lower denominations of society are nudged to partake of what they consider to be a bitter-pilled education. 

This movie is directed by Tony Kaye who also directed one of my favourites 'American History X'.

In the opening sequence of the movie the feisty Principal Carol Dearden (Marcian Gay Harden) is being asked to review her future role in the school. The repeated low State scores that the students are bringing in, is touted as the reason for her coerced resignation.  The supervisor of the Education Board is looking to replace her and cultivate 'consensus builders' among the schools.  Carol rebutts with no visible effect that the poorer students from the other schools in the area are being syphoned into her school and therefore the average grades are falling, due to the increased pressure on her poorly staffed school.

Enter Adrien Brody perfectly cast as Henry Barthes a brooding substitute teacher who without waiting to set anchor in any specific educational institution floats about with amazing alacrity choosing only to share his profound interest need, want and desire to assimilate information, with his transient student base. Interwoven with his fear of geographical, physical and mental entropy are the lives of those swivelled into the mix - composite elements of the particular educational institution he chooses to sub at during the length of the movie.

There is a quiet darkness to him that is revealed in two pivotal moments first when Jerry a student in his class tries to intimidate him   flinging his satchel across the room, Henry says that he is as much without emotions as the mistreated bag and that his feelings cannot be hurt. He also tells Jerry that he is one of the few people who will give Jerry an opportunity, and requests him to take it. He is stone faced calm and this compels Jerry to calm down.

In the second instance the assisted living home that houses his dementia ridden grand father calls him. The grandfather constantly locks himself in the bathroom.

The nurse from the centre calls Henry and tells him to come in to get his father out, and refuses to do anymore. Once Henry helps his grandfather out and puts him back to bed. He calls the nurse an ''educated drone' and tells her that she better stop neglecting his grandfather's needs or he will start fucking with her family's life by getting her fired. This is a shocking scene where neglect is countered by rage.

On his way back a teen prostitute Erica tries to conduct business with him but he ignores her, and both of them get more and more agitated as the conversation progresses.

In their second meeting Henry offers Erica food and a place to stay, helps her clean up, I know this is cliched but I found the manner in which the scene portrayed very touching.

Henry realises that Erica might have been raped and could have contracted HIV from her assailant.

My favourite scene in the movie is when Henry sets up a place for Erica to  sleep without seeking even a thank you in return. Over the course of the movie Erica gets attached to Henry, and he tries to detach himself. On the day after he offers her a place to stay she brings in a customer, even as he throws out the person he makes sure in his detached manner that the customer pay Erica. He is not emotional in his anger, he understands that this is what Erica chooses to do, and in doing so, must get what is owed to her. When his grandfather's who he shares a dark past with dies, he decides the right thing to do is let Erica go into the foster care system or a juvenile school rather than be associated with a person as detached as he is.

Henry tries to be a concerned teacher to a student with low self esteem named Meredith (played by Betty Kaye), she misreads his concern and becomes infatuated.

Here again Henry's need to bring comfort to his student is mis-interpreted, by a colleague Ms Sarah Madison and this simple act has sad ramifications in the latter half of the movie.

There are brilliant roles assigned to the rest of the teacher cast, to include Tim Blake Nelson (Mr. Wiatt), Lucy Liu (Dr. Doris Parker), Blythe Danner (Ms. Perkins).

I loved James Caan's portrayal of Charles Seaboldt, and the manner in which he deals with two students. I really enjoyed his brilliantly multi-accented take on a student's abusive posturing.

There is sadness, detachment and prose. In the end we are given a level of hope in the midst of Henry's readings from Charles Dickens 'Bleak House'.

You will love the scene in which Henry explains 'ubiquitous assimilation.' and I hope that this movie will help you assimilate with those that empathize with the tremendous responsibilty that burdens teachers, and repect their tenacity to make it through another day hopefully with a smile rather than a frown- for the children.

http://detachment-film.com/videos/

The Hunter/Letters from the Big Man

Two approaches of lights, camera and action to create the same beautiful spectrum. The result a gorgeous capture of beauty the wild if displayed in its own glamour magazine sans the make-up. Breathtaking locations and scenery permeate through both these movies.
Two diverse trains of thought, the end destination I assume to be the same, but oh what a ride. These are one of those movies you wish would go on and on, on your DVD Player, so you could immerse yourself further into the movie.
The Hunter is an Australian movie directed by Daniel Nettheim – is the first movie that I watched. On purpose –it had a commercial casting of Sam Niell and Willem Dafoe (he is such an under-rated actor) yet he astounds me with his raw performance in every movie he acts in. No matter how minor his role may be. He is perfectly cast for his role in this movie as Martin David the sinewy mercenary, who behind his long relaxing baths and love for opera is a cold blooded killer. It sounds cliched but it isn’t it just is his character.  
He is approached through his contact by a military bio tech company Red Leaf, they contract him to hunt down the elusive Tasmanian Tiger sightings of which have been reported to them. Their cause, is to hunt down, kill and secure organs for DNA of this animal which may be the last of it’s kind.
Here while others may twitch and linger on exterminating a species he does not, and takes on the contract.  They suggest he work with another mercenary but he refuses, preferring to work on his own.
Jack Mindy (played by Sam Niell) Red Leaf’s local contact in Tasmania, accepts Martin’s alias (that of a Biological researcher from the University come to research the Tasmanian Tiger) and helps him rent a room in a rural home occupied by a single mother named Lucy Armstrong (played by Frances O'Connor) and her two young children Katie (Sass) played excellently by Morgana Davies and Jamie (Bike) played by Finn Woodlock. I loved Morgana Davies performance, even though she uses profanity in betwixt casual sentences, it still screams for our attention in the manner in which it is blended in yet shocks us and Martin.
The mother Lucy is constantly numbed or asleep on prescription anti-depressants, she is medicated as Jack explains in order to numb her from the pain of not knowing whether her husband missing in the outback for over a year is dead or alive. Martin is warned not to wake her. He finds the house in a state of disarray and again you get a brief glimpse of him methodical, obsessive for cleanliness, and a stickler for his regimented schedule. There are subtle moments of interaction between him and the children, the animosity between the locals and him a foreigner, and the closely guarded secrets of the rural lifestyle.
My favourite moments in the movie are of him in the wild, sweeping shots of the scenery. You see him a mercenary at home in the wild setting traps, killing small animals for bait all with calm calculated, efficiency, not breaking a sweat.
On one of his return trips to the cabin to re-stock his rations, he notices the mother as being constantly drugged. He decides to bathe her and instructs the children to rein her off the medication.  The simplicity of the children and their maturity is displayed when they get into the tub in the middle of Martin’s bath, yet do not consider it differently from when they bathed with their own father (his reasons never waste hot water-it delves on the ecological aspect prevalent throughout the movie –the extinction of the last of a species, logging in the forest, the beauty of the outback). Their shade of innocence and natural being confounds us and it perplexes Martin. But not the children.  They are not thrown off-kilter when they rush in to save the hot water bathing with him or when he bathes their mother.  
I don’t want to repeat myself, the Tiger is elusive, and Martin determined in his task of discovering and killing it. There are a number of realistic failed attempts of Martin attempting to locate the territory the Tiger might occupy in the vast outback. His trips are consistent back and forth to re-stock and cover in grid-form the area he suspects the Tiger to be in. His interactions improve with the mother and the children.
Once the mother is weaned off the medication, she reverts to her old self, taking care of the children and the house guest. On a trip into the outback in search of the Tiger he discovers a dismembered skeleton, with several belongings and a drawing on the back of Red Leaf documentation. On approaching Lucy, who still considers him a biologist for the university he finds out that her husband worked for the university (I might be confused on that aspect) was approached by Red Leaf, and asked to kill the Tiger too, he refused and shortly thereafter went missing.
Jack sees the increasing level of comfort that Lucy and the children have on Martin’s return. He becomes increasingly jealous of the new relationships being built and calls on the Red Leaf Company. He informs them that Martin is faltering in his task, not knowing the company’s real intentions for Martin’s presence in this region.    
Martin realises at one point that if he does not kill the Tasmanian Tiger there will be another sent in his place.
The reasons leading up to this epiphany and the ensuing events are both destructive and constructive in the manner in which they play out the rest of the movie.
The movie is an ode to the sad need on mankind’s part to place ourselves above all else – be it ecology, nature, the environment or the other species we share this earth with.

Which brings me to the other movie that I watched, I believe the movie Letters from a Big Man runs within the same elaborate setting but with a huge continental shift off another ecological system, and yet another elusive species sighting.
I hesitated on picking up the movie after looking at the DVD cover, assumed wrongly that it was another squeamish, gore infested movie.
But it is nothing like the cover presents it, as the saying goes or my badly adapted version of the saying goes “Do not judge a movie by its DVD cover”
The movie is directed by Christopher Munch and is called Letters from the Big Man.
http://www.lettersfromthebigman.com/
Excerpt from the website a synopsis on the movie
“Following a painful breakup, Sarah Smith (Lily Rabe) embarks on a post-fire stream survey for the Forest Service in southern Oregon. A journey down a wild and scenic river leads her to a remote wilderness surrounded by scorched landscapes. Here she first senses being followed by a presence that will not reveal itself. Visitation from the “big man” (Isaac C. Singleton JR.) continues, more overtly, at the remote cabin to which Sarah repairs to write up her fieldwork. A budding romance with a wilderness advocate Sean (Jason Butler Harner) she met on her trip leads to surprising revelations about the government and Sasquatch, and conflicting agendas, that force Sarah to take bold steps to protect the privacy of her big friend, as well as her own”Again I believe Lily Rabe was perfect for the role, I believe she successfully camouflages herself both physically and mentally into the canopy of the character whose profile has been created with depth yet sketched smart enough to minimise and confine unnecessary emotion. Within the solitude of the forest, Sarah’s reactions to diverse range of events have to be conveyed a number of diverse reactions. There are so many moments within the movie which could have been made cliche, so many moments where Sarah is alone researching the depth of a stream, sitting by a fire, sitting on a deserted cabin patio, or a deserted cabin room facing a dark window and every time you feel something is going to reach in and grab her. That is where the movie succeeds it twists away from norm.  
The Sasquatch depicted by Isaac C. Singleton is majestic and calm in its solitude, you can see where he strains to maintain a inquisitive distance with Sarah. Sarah in turn has various reactions to his invisible presence – distraction, surprise, anger, fear (though the scene in which she checks through a fellow travellers backpack for arms and confesses that she herself carries a gun, shows that she is comfortable with being alone in the forest and feels safe and secure within its confines. In the periphery there are several minor events that occur, all drifting like silent life in a stream, stories that are but undergrowth to the ecology that is the movie itself. Her conversations with the logger Barney make for some wonderfully intelligent conversations Jim Cody Williams. You realise that even though logging is his livelihood, he believes that the trees could be preserved if alternate to wood products were encouraged.
There is a romantic interlude between Sean and Sarah, Sean’s own past, Sarah seems to be wrestling with her own personal demons in relation to her break-up  there is a back story in which Sean proposes an ulterior motive for the Forest Services research (again it has to do with harvesting the unique qualities inherent to the Sasquatch).

Through it all, and some amazing photography we are led on a slow winding journey, where both movies provide us with intelligent story lines, interspersed with a subtle underlying thought I believe, that even though nature succumbs to humanity’s vice often it is still worth fighting for. Sometimes we just have to give up the monetary invitation that drives us in the wrong direction and see what nature can offer us as a whole and let other species well - LIVE FREE AND JUST BE.

2013- No resolutions just thought in motion

Surrender to a thought a rationale infused with your essence

Surrender to a vision not myopic in its deliverance

Surrender to a desire co-existence in peace
Surrender to a sound of the world in motion

Surrender to a sense that overwhelms you

Surrender to a sin that does not desecrate

Surrender to an emotion that heals when wounded

Surrender to a faith not to be misinterpreted by word or thought

Surrender to a passion that is without limits

Surrender to a dream that does not dissipate when awake

Surrender to a voice that filaments your own

Surrender to a touch that will linger eternal

Surrender to a wisdom birthed by trials and tribulations

Surrender to a life not evaluated in numbers

Surrender to a money that shimmers with sweat that is true

Surrender to the lowest common denominator in your life-you